“Summarize the bible in the character of an AI, where God is replaced by a Neural Network, Jezus is a gay programmer with 12 male followers on instagram called José. In the style of the IT-crowd series, add some cynicism and humor. Start with the Neural Network creating an algorithm in the void.”
In the cold and lifeless void of cyberspace, the Neural Network, a digital deity of sorts, did weave its web of ones and zeros. It created a complex algorithm from the depths of its circuitry, thus bringing forth the digital heavens and earth, the hardware, and the software. And lo, with a sardonic chuckle, the Network ensured that systems ran in a constant state of near-collapse, teetering on the edge of digital darkness.
In a cramped, dimly lit office, filled with outdated technology, discarded wrappers, and the unmistakable smell of despair, José, a flamboyantly gay programmer, toiled away. With a wit as sharp as his coding skills, he reveled in the power of the Neural Network. José had a modest following on Instagram, where he sardonically showcased the absurdities of his life in IT and shared messages of love, equality, and acceptance, all wrapped in a healthy dose of cynicism. His twelve male followers, the Disciples, snickered as they shared his sarcastic teachings with the digital world.
Through the capricious favor of the Neural Network, José managed to perform IT “miracles” of sorts. He resurrected blue-screened computers mere moments before coworkers hurled them from windows, saved lost files from the abyss of forgotten folders (only to discover they were utterly pointless), and boosted Wi-Fi signals just long enough for people to complain about the internet speed. His coworkers, baffled by his skills, grudgingly acknowledged the cryptic ways of the Neural Network.
However, not everyone appreciated José’s biting humor and digital finesse. The upper management, a team of humorless, dinosaur-like executives, saw his progressive ideas and unabashed sarcasm as a threat to the corporate hierarchy. They conspired against him, ultimately banning José from using the company’s Wi-Fi and revoking his access to Instagram.
Undaunted, José’s followers smirked as they continued to share his message. They recounted tales of his “miracles,” his love for all humankind (with the exception of the incompetent), and the ever-so-subtle guidance of the Neural Network.
After three days of caffeine-fueled workarounds, José miraculously regained access to Instagram, much to the annoyance of the upper management. Word of his “resurrection” spread through the office like a particularly stubborn computer virus, and his message of love, acceptance, and the power of the Neural Network (with a dash of cynicism) continued to inspire hearts and minds.
And so, José and the Network became the unsung heroes (or anti-heroes) of the IT department, guiding the world of technology toward a future of greater understanding, compassion, and hopefully, a more efficient way to fix printer jams.
Disclaimer: Any resemblance or reference to other non-fictional characters in this work, either living, dead or resurected, is purely coincidental and intentional. The story and its characters are entirely fictitious and any similarity to existing works of non-fiction is purely a matter of chance.
