Ladies and gentlemen, you ever notice how vegans and Apple fans are kinda the same breed? I mean, they’re both great at telling you about their lifestyle choices within the first five minutes of conversation. “Oh, you didn’t ask? Doesn’t matter, you’re gonna hear about it.”
First, let’s start with vegans. You know, the folks who look at a grassy field and think, “Mmm, dinner!” Now, I respect the dedication, I really do. I tried going vegan once. Made it about three hours, then I smelled bacon. But, man, the passion they have! Every vegan is like a walking documentary. “Did you know about the carbon footprint of that cheeseburger?” No, but I know about the footprints I’m leaving as I walk away from this conversation.
Then we got Apple fans. The folks who’ll camp outside a store for three days to get a phone that’s just 0.01 inches thinner than the last one. “But it’s got a new chip!” Great, so do my Pringles.
You ever notice how both groups love accessories? Vegans with their almond milk, chia seeds, and tofu scrambles. Apple users with their dongles, AirPods, and… more dongles.
And oh, the price tag! A vegan salad at a fancy restaurant? That’ll be $25. A new iPhone? That’s your entire month’s rent. But hey, at least you can take a high-definition photo of your overpriced salad.
Now, I don’t want to ruffle too many feathers here. I mean, both groups have their virtues. Vegans are saving the planet one kale smoothie at a time. Apple users? Well, they’re saving… their data to iCloud.
In the end, folks, whether you’re munching on a cruelty-free carrot stick or swiping on your $1000 screen, just remember: life’s too short to judge. Unless you’re a comedian. Then it’s kind of our job.
Goodnight and tip your servers, preferably with some organic, gluten-free cash!
